Line a baking sheet with parchment. Clear some freezer space. Yes, you'll use it.
In a large bowl, stir oats, protein powder, and salt. This keeps clumps away later.
In a microwave-safe cup, warm almond butter, maple syrup, and coconut oil for 15–20 seconds until fluid. Stir in peppermint extract.
Pour wet over dry and mix with a sturdy spoon. If it looks dry or crumbly, add milk or water 1 teaspoon at a time until it holds when pressed.
Fold in dark chocolate chips and crushed peppermint. Keep some for topping if you're fancy.
Scoop 1–1.5 tablespoons per bite and roll into balls. Place on the lined sheet. Lightly press tops to flatten if you want a “bark bite” look.
Freeze 10–15 minutes to set the surface. This step keeps drizzles tidy.
Melt white chocolate with coconut oil in 10-second bursts, stirring between. Drizzle over set bites and sprinkle extra peppermint crumbs.
Whisk vanilla protein with milk until pourable. Drizzle thinly over bites for style points and a touch more protein.
Freeze another 10 minutes until firm, then transfer to an airtight container.