Heat oven to 325°F (165°C). Line a large sheet pan with parchment. Granola sticks—parchment saves your sanity.

In a big bowl, combine oats, chopped nuts, seeds, coconut, cinnamon, and salt. Stir until everything looks evenly distributed.

In a smaller bowl, whisk nut butter, maple/honey, oil, vanilla, and egg white (if using). You want a smooth, pourable mixture. If it's thick, microwave 10–15 seconds to loosen.

Pour wet over dry. Stir patiently until every oat looks lightly coated—dry pockets lead to bland bites. Not on our watch.

Spread onto the pan in an even layer. Press down firmly with a spatula to encourage clumps. Bake 15 minutes.

Remove, gently flip sections to keep clusters intact, re-press lightly, and bake another 8–12 minutes until edges are golden and the kitchen smells toasty. Watch closely the last few minutes—nuts can go from golden to “oops” fast.

This is non-negotiable. It crisps as it cools. Don't stir. Don't touch. Let it set for 30–45 minutes.

Once cool, fold in dried fruit, chocolate chips, or freeze-dried berries if desired. Break into chunks.

Spoon over Greek yogurt, splash with milk, or eat by the handful like the snack goblin you are.