In a food processor, pulse the rolled oats 5–10 times until they're a coarse flour. You want texture, not powder.
Add the pulsed oats, almond flour, protein powder, flax/chia, and salt to a large bowl. Whisk to combine.
In a separate bowl, stir together cashew butter, maple syrup, applesauce, vanilla extract, and almond extract until smooth.
Pour the wet into the dry and stir with a sturdy spoon. If it's crumbly, add milk 1 teaspoon at a time. Aim for Play-Doh texture—soft but not sticky.
If using sprinkles, gently fold them in now so they don't streak.
Use a tablespoon or small cookie scoop to portion and roll into balls about 1–1.5 inches. Slightly damp hands help.
Chill on a parchment-lined plate for 20–30 minutes to firm up. Patience pays, promise.
Enjoy immediately or stash as per the storage tips below.